Linda
Hello and welcome to episode 14 of The

Linda
Spectrum. This was

Linda
recorded on March 12th, 2025.

Linda
Before we get into the episode, I want to

Linda
apologize for a technical mistake.

Linda
The audio from my

Linda
microphone did not get recorded.

Linda
I did my best to recover my audio from

Linda
the guest microphone,

Linda
so if you hear any

Linda
oddness in my audio, that's why.

Linda
I tried to clean it up as much as I

Linda
could, but it isn't perfect.

Linda
Today we're going to

Linda
talk about asexuality.

Linda
This is perhaps the least well-known area

Linda
of the LGBTQ spectrum.

Linda
It's certainly a topic

Linda
I don't know much about.

Linda
To help educate us, we have Annalise, who

Linda
volunteered to come speak with us today.

Linda
Because we're talking about sexuality,

Linda
even if talking about its absence, if

Linda
this is a topic you

Linda
don't want to hear about,

Linda
or perhaps have small children in the

Linda
room with you that you

Linda
don't want them to hear

Linda
then this may not be the podcast for you

Linda
today. We don't

Linda
discuss anything explicit,

Linda
but if talk about

Linda
sexuality makes you uncomfortable,

Linda
this is your chance to head for the exit.

Linda
I know most people are

Linda
familiar with the idea

Linda
sex

Linda
and

Linda
sex attraction.

Linda
You've got your gay people

Linda
and your straight people.

Linda
I kind of think of these as like axes on

Linda
a graph where you got

Linda
am I attracted to on one axis and how do

Linda
I think of myself on another axis for

Linda
gender. And then apparently there's this

Linda
third axis that a lot of people aren't

Linda
aware of, which is how much am I

Linda
attracted to people sexually.

Annalise
We're going to add a couple more axises

Annalise
unfortunately. Oh good.

Linda
We can go multi-dimensional.

Linda
Yeah.

Linda
us in your own words

Linda
elevator pitch for what asexuality is.

Annalise
Unfortunately I've been running through

Annalise
these in my head for the last few days

Annalise
trying to figure it out.

Annalise
you might know of as the

Annalise
Kinsey Scale came out in 1948.

Annalise
And

Annalise
Kinsey was researching sexuality and he

Annalise
had a graph of one to six with one being

Annalise
I've exclusively thought about sex with

Annalise
people of the opposite gender, six being

Annalise
I've exclusively only had people of the,

Annalise
had had thoughts with people of the same

Annalise
gender spectrum in the middle with

Annalise
being like exactly the same.

Annalise
And that would probably be what people

Annalise
think of bisexuality more.

Annalise
And then he had zero

Annalise
on the scale, which was

Annalise
reactive, not interested.

Annalise
the word he used for

Annalise
that I believe was asexual.

Annalise
A in this case meaning not.

Linda
you talk about

Linda
asexuality in this context,

Linda
that

Linda
be taken to mean that this is a person

Linda
who doesn't feel any sexual attraction to

Linda
another person

Linda
regardless of their gender.

Annalise
It could be, but that's kind

Annalise
of where it gets complicated

Annalise
with all the other sexualities,

Annalise
you're talking about a positive. I am

Annalise
attracted to this person. I am attracted

Annalise
to those people. And asexuality is trying

Annalise
to prove a negative.

Annalise
it's kind of weird. It's a little bit

Annalise
different from a lot of the others. And

Annalise
then there's a lot of

Annalise
ways to not be attracted to someone.

Annalise
one thing I've heard is

Annalise
rather than an absence,

Annalise
because some asexual people do feel

Annalise
sexual urges or they are interested in it

Annalise
or they don't not mind it. They'll have

Annalise
sex with their partner to try and please

Annalise
their partner. Some people are not, they

Annalise
that's like, absolutely not into it. You

Annalise
can think of it like food. You can be

Annalise
kind of meh on a food, but if it's your

Annalise
partner's favorite food, you'll have it

Annalise
for dinner. And sometimes it's your

Annalise
partner's favorite food. And you're like,

Annalise
I'm not going to eat that. It's not going

Annalise
to happen. It's kind of the same thing.

Annalise
there's a lot of different ways about it.

Annalise
So one way I've heard is

Annalise
asexual is self-contained.

Annalise
there isn't a desire

Annalise
another person to be

Annalise
involved in the sexuality.

Annalise
the lack of desire, not

Annalise
the lack of existence,

Annalise
I guess.

Linda
a couple of questions,

Linda
which

Linda
may come off as kind of flippant, but

Linda
they're not intended that way.

Annalise
As long as you don't make

Annalise
the photosynthesis joke.

Annalise
Was it that? Was it that?

Linda
I'm

Linda
still trying to figure

Linda
out what that one is.

Annalise
Well, like, well, if you don't reproduce

Annalise
sexually, do you use

Annalise
photosynthesis? That kind of, yeah.

Annalise
It's a lot of dad jokes.

Linda
No, what I was going to say is, and this

Linda
is something that lesbians get hit with a

Linda
lot, was you haven't

Linda
met the right person yet.

Annalise
Ask them if they've met the right boy.

Linda
And yeah, and

Linda
this obviously isn't that, because this

Linda
is more like a general condition than a

Linda
specific set of circumstances, right?

Linda
Okay.

Annalise
There's a lot of ways

Annalise
to be not interested.

Annalise
like you said, there's a lot of crossover

Annalise
with lesbians because initially

Annalise
what a lot of lesbians notice is just

Annalise
that they're not attracted to boys rather

Annalise
than that they are attracted to women.

Annalise
myself bisexual for a little while

Annalise
because I was like, well, I have equal

Annalise
interest in boys and girls. Zero.

Annalise
Yeah. So I came out to one of my friends

Annalise
as bisexual initially.

Linda
if I'm hearing you correctly, there is a

Linda
difference between asexuality and libido.

Annalise
Yes.

Annalise
Which is some of the spectrum, which some

Annalise
of the axises. Yeah.

Linda
So someone who could still have a strong

Linda
libido, a desire for sex,

Linda
just not necessarily with

Annalise
Any particular person. Yeah. Which is

Annalise
where you get the libido axis and the

Annalise
romantic axis. Okay. Because there's also

Annalise
aromantics where they're like, I am

Annalise
sexually attracted to other people. I am

Annalise
not getting in a relationship.

Annalise
The relationship part just freaks them

Annalise
out. Usually is my understanding.

Linda
was reading a little bit

Linda
about this and I was having

Linda
a hard

Linda
time

Linda
understanding

Linda
the difference between a romantic

Linda
attraction and a sexual attraction.

Linda
I,

Linda
for me, they're much the same thing.

Annalise
Me too.

Annalise
So I don't know how helpful I will be.

Annalise
And that is also sort of

Annalise
point with bringing some of this is

Annalise
what we call, I think, what is it?

Annalise
A micro, a micro minority or micro label.

Annalise
can tell someone like,

Annalise
I like cars and I like trucks and I like

Annalise
SUVs. And then there's someone over here

Annalise
who is talking about ski-doo models.

Annalise
It's a different ballpark.

Annalise
They're being way more specific.

Annalise
you ask them, what's your favorite

Annalise
vehicle, they'll probably

Annalise
you a car. And then if you get to know

Annalise
them really well, you know,

Annalise
know they're a ski-doo person.

Annalise
don't know if that's a

Annalise
good metaphor at all.

Annalise
I'm trying to remember where we were with

Annalise
the question

Linda
that I think you've

Linda
done a reasonable job of,

Linda
I don't know,

Linda
what we can. And I think what

Linda
saying here is this is a

Linda
concept that is not a thing.

Annalise
like the boxes of if you're a lesbian,

Annalise
you're not attracted to guys. If you're

Annalise
gay, you're not attracted to women.

Annalise
Bisexual is kind of where

Annalise
put everyone who does have a little bit,

Annalise
even though again, like Kinsey Scale

Annalise
1948, they found people with incidental

Annalise
homosexuality or a little bit of

Annalise
preference in one way or another.

Annalise
labels are kind of like we've

Annalise
the boxes. The boxes

Annalise
of fell apart.

Annalise
the label isn't going to give you

Annalise
sense of experience at all.

Linda
mean, these boxes are useful as

Linda
generalizations to help kind of get your

Linda
mind around a concept,

Linda
not necessarily the definition of the

Linda
concept and we shouldn't

Linda
limit ourselves to those

Linda
They're just a useful

Linda
explainer. They're not the thing.

Annalise
But it's also that

Annalise
not going to know all of them.

Annalise
Within asexuality we have micro labels.

Annalise
You can be a demisexual, you can be

Annalise
graysexual, you can be a lithromantic.

Annalise
And no one's really expecting anyone to

Annalise
know what those are.

Linda
Can you explain what they are?

Annalise
I can try, but I don't know if it'll

Annalise
quite be the point. The thing is once

Annalise
someone's talking to you about it,

Annalise
they're already willing

Annalise
to talk to you about it.

Annalise
there are all these tiny little facets

Annalise
identity that don't get explained easily.

Annalise
People are trying to find

Annalise
their box with tiny little labels

Annalise
it is still actually a

Annalise
fluid experience together.

Annalise
With the romantic axis,

Annalise
most people who

Annalise
lesbians

Annalise
attracted to women and they would prefer

Annalise
to being in a relationship with a woman.

Annalise
They might one day meet a single dude

Annalise
they're willing to settle down with and

Annalise
would have a family

Annalise
with, but they wouldn't

Annalise
sex with

Annalise
that's the diversion

Annalise
the romantic and the sexual

Annalise
think part of the reason there's so much

Annalise
of that with asexuality

Annalise
because these are

Annalise
people who have been looking

Annalise
someone they are attracted to their

Annalise
entire lives and they never found it.

Annalise
And so they found all these

Annalise
tiny little facets of ways that

Annalise
attraction does work.

Annalise
That isn't necessary, you

Annalise
don't have to explore it,

Annalise
but because they were

Annalise
trying so hard to find it,

Annalise
they did. They found some stuff and they

Annalise
then tried to talk to each

Annalise
other about it and started

Annalise
to compare with that.

Linda
Would it be helpful to go through your

Linda
own kind of coming out to your self

Linda
experience, how you figured yourself out?

Annalise
can try to. I'm not sure

Annalise
how helpful it will be because

Annalise
there are so many different ways to

Annalise
there's a million ways to

Annalise
fail to invent a light bulb.

Linda
Yeah sure, but at least

Linda
it

Linda
gives

Linda
people one concrete example of

Linda
how

Linda
someone decided that this was them.

Annalise
I remember

Annalise
driven to kindergarten and asking my mom

Annalise
if there was a way to get

Annalise
married and not have children.

Annalise
So my mom has known

Annalise
about this the whole time.

Annalise
She's been aware.

Annalise
My parents had a really

Annalise
messy divorce when I was seven.

Annalise
And

Annalise
kind of assumed for a long time that

Annalise
believed romance was dead and the divorce

Annalise
killed it and that I was deeply

Annalise
traumatized by it so that I would never

Annalise
have a romantic relationship or whatever

Annalise
that that was why I had no interest. So

Annalise
very funnily I thought yeah this is

Annalise
totally normal and understandable.

Annalise
was talking about

Annalise
late bloomers. People had

Annalise
celebrity crushes like don't you think

Annalise
Orlando Bloom is so

Annalise
cute and I'm over here.

Annalise
How over you at this point?

Annalise
That was probably in like middle school.

Annalise
So 10, 12 they had the baby crushes on

Annalise
celebrities. I'm over here. Pokemon 2000

Annalise
Pokemon has just come out in 2000. I'm

Annalise
marrying Ash Ketchum for his assets.

Annalise
His assets are his Pokemon to be clear.

Annalise
happened next?

Annalise
I didn't marry Ash Ketchum.

Linda
Well everybody has that first

Linda
disappointment in the boy.

Annalise
Yeah.

Annalise
That's kind of the thing.

Annalise
As well I just stuff kept not happening.

Annalise
I kept not being interested.

Annalise
I learned how to read

Annalise
I got on the internet.

Annalise
Yeah I must have gotten on the internet

Annalise
in like seventh grade or something.

Annalise
I started

Annalise
fandom basically people drawing

Annalise
of books we all liked

Annalise
and stuff like that.

Annalise
And again at that time other people

Annalise
definitely had crushes and were teasing

Annalise
each other about crushes and they're like

Annalise
Annalise who's your celebrity crush and

Annalise
I'm like I don't know those men.

Annalise
So I was like I might be a lesbian

Annalise
I'm not interested in men.

Annalise
So I'm looking at the girls in my class

Annalise
and I'm like I don't

Annalise
care about them either.

Linda
I've talked to a bunch of

Linda
gay men and a bunch of lesbians

Linda
always the gay men

Linda
knew who they were first.

Linda
lot of the women didn't

Linda
know until they were adults and well into

Linda
adulthood in some cases.

Linda
And it sounds like

Linda
asexuality or at least in your particular

Linda
experience of it may have been

Linda
a similar kind of thing where

Linda
didn't realize

Linda
you were experiencing wasn't

Annalise
everyone's like yeah late bloomers

Annalise
people kept telling you like

Annalise
gonna be weird and funny and you're gonna

Annalise
have weird feelings. And it's like my

Annalise
weird feeling is you're all insane.

Annalise
And I understood that

Annalise
that was the typical

Annalise
thing that they were all doing.

Annalise
And I was like well I'm

Annalise
traumatized by my parents divorce.

Linda
You had your explanation you

Linda
weren't seeking anything else.

Annalise
No and I wasn't unhappy

Annalise
and that's the key thing.

Annalise
Again with we've had this for a long time

Annalise
the Asexual Manifesto

Annalise
came out in 1972 and

Annalise
it has this

Annalise
paragraph in it that says

Annalise
This is not celibacy.

Annalise
This isn't being repressed. This isn't being

Annalise
unhappy not having sex.

Annalise
this isn't a decision made to refrain and

Annalise
it's also not a state of suffering we're

Annalise
just kind of chilling here

Annalise
not really wanting to do much.

Linda
So I think that's a key point this

Linda
isn't

Linda
there not that there's

Linda
something wrong with you it's

Linda
wired a little bit differently.

Annalise
And when they started

Annalise
around the DSM

Annalise
they put asexuality in it the key

Annalise
difference between that

Annalise
illness they've said for low libido is

Annalise
not distressed by it

Annalise
the key point.

Annalise
Now some people are because I've heard a

Annalise
lot of stories about people

Annalise
grew up

Annalise
before they realized they were asexual

Annalise
they thought they were broken because

Annalise
they couldn't love anyone and they didn't

Annalise
relate to their peers or they were

Annalise
sexually attracted but they couldn't have

Annalise
romance or they had

Annalise
romance but you know couldn't

Annalise
stand the concept of having sex and such.

Annalise
So there is some distress

Annalise
it's the social

Annalise
distress of having to follow.

Linda
Right and

Linda
that's

Linda
true in the gay community

Linda
and in the trans community

Linda
where

Linda
they beat

Linda
themselves up for feeling something and

Linda
feeling like

Linda
they were broken.

Linda
did you get this aha

Linda
moment that this was me

Annalise
A friend of mine

Annalise
asexuality and was like I

Annalise
think you're asexual and

Annalise
think by that point I'd already come

Annalise
across it and sort of been like

Annalise
so it wasn't a huge revelation

Annalise
because I wasn't really searching

Annalise
because I had gotten online and into that

Annalise
fandom space that's

Annalise
where I found the word

Annalise
I don't know if you know this or not

Annalise
people online are really really intense

Annalise
about fictional character relationships.

Annalise
because a lot of people on the internet

Annalise
care a whole lot about fictional

Annalise
character relationships there's a

Annalise
noticeable group of people who are like I

Annalise
like the story but I don't care about

Annalise
that and so that's where I found a lot of

Annalise
words being asexual and a lot of the

Annalise
asexual community and you'll still find a

Annalise
huge asexual community in fandom

Annalise
they're pushed over here.

Linda
your own life and the kinds of

Linda
relationships you've had with people

Linda
assuming you've had

Linda
close friends who were

Linda
very important to you.

Linda
Asexual doesn't mean

Linda
you don't have connections to

Linda
people.

Annalise
Oh I've imagined marrying every single

Annalise
one of my best friends and being like

Annalise
would we do this and I've crossed people

Annalise
off the list like Stephen can't stand

Annalise
around people that long it won't

Linda
like you're actually

Linda
a very social person.

Annalise
I want friends.

Annalise
liked living near friends in college

Annalise
where you could like walk

Annalise
down the dorm and talk to people.

Annalise
I want to have friends.

Annalise
I just don't want this

Annalise
dating shenanigans to

Annalise
muck it up.

Annalise
I did have one best friend

Annalise
we did date for a little while

Annalise
her knowing that I was asexual

Annalise
later broke it off because it wasn't

Annalise
quite what she wanted and I'm over here

Annalise
like okay I don't know what you thought

Annalise
was going to change.

Annalise
so it was like it was fine-ish

Annalise
mean when we started going out I

Annalise
explicitly said I don't really want

Annalise
anything to change I just want us to

Annalise
be special and that we're special

Annalise
people to each other and that's what I

Annalise
got out of it. It was like

Annalise
yes I'm their special person.

Annalise
And that was great

Linda
But obviously that wasn't

Linda
what the other

Linda
person was looking for.

Annalise
Don't know what she would

Annalise
have got out of otherwise.

Linda
Yeah.

Annalise
I feel like I do want

Annalise
have very close friends.

Annalise
I've wanted to adopt kids for since I was

Annalise
like five and was like

Annalise
I'm not getting pregnant.

Annalise
stuff like that and I've been like well

Annalise
if I did adopt a kid which of my

Annalise
friends would be okay helping raise it.

Annalise
Is it just going to be

Annalise
17 cats? I don't know.

Annalise
am also aromantic I don't want to do

Annalise
whole thing.

Linda
talked about how you can always assume

Linda
was your parents relationship

Linda
you down this path. Is that something you

Linda
still feel today or do

Linda
you think that was just

Linda
coincidental?

Annalise
I think it could have been coincidental.

Annalise
there was a very strong sense that

Annalise
you got here if it is useful

Annalise
to you right now good because

Annalise
a lot of there a lot of the micro

Annalise
identities under asexual are like I think

Annalise
I would be able to have sex and be in

Annalise
love with someone in this situation is a

Annalise
lot of the micro sexual micro labels.

Annalise
But of course you have some people who

Annalise
had a sexual trauma in their life and

Annalise
they say I can't do any any of that

Annalise
anymore. I'm asexual. I would be very

Annalise
happy having nothing

Annalise
happen in my life ever again.

Annalise
So there's people who are like I think I

Annalise
became asexual due to trauma. There's

Annalise
some people who are

Annalise
like I was born this way.

Annalise
And then there's some people who

Annalise
genuinely might be late bloomers. And

Annalise
some of the criticism about asexuality is

Annalise
like well you're stopping kids from

Annalise
who they really are.

Annalise
If you move out of it. If

Annalise
you find something else. If

Annalise
this label was good for you then we're

Annalise
happy it was there to tell you that you

Annalise
didn't have to do anything. You didn't

Annalise
have to feel anything.

Linda
I think

Linda
that's a good

Linda
bit of advice for anybody. Whatever label

Linda
you're using describe yourself, if that

Linda
label no longer fits.

Linda
You don't

Linda
have to keep it.

Annalise
We're changing

Annalise
constantly all the time.

Annalise
Eventually we might change enough that

Annalise
something's unrecognizable but like it's

Annalise
gradual you don't know when

Annalise
you don't know what it would be.

Linda
At this point in your life

Linda
say you meet somebody who's a friend. At

Linda
what point do you decide to be open with

Linda
them about yourself.

Annalise
Oh I wait until they ask if

Annalise
I'm dating and then I'm like

Annalise
"no"

Annalise
They're like oh are you

Annalise
interested in anyone. "No".

Annalise
This happens a lot in like the staff room.

Linda
Right, the normal kinds of questions that

Linda
people

Linda
get and you start leading them down this

Linda
path by the questions.

Annalise
And sometimes people are like so are you

Annalise
gay and it's like I'm ace and they're

Annalise
like what's that and it's

Annalise
like don't worry about it.

Annalise
I don't say don't worry about it but I do

Annalise
tell them not to worry a lot and it's

Annalise
like I'm just not interested.

Annalise
And most people take that pretty well

Annalise
because I do make them

Annalise
ask the question first.

Annalise
like and I'll wear

Annalise
little rainbow stuff and

Annalise
my presence in those ways

Annalise
and voice support and if

Annalise
have several co-workers

Annalise
are LGBT of some

Annalise
strand or other

Annalise
I'll use a lot of us pronouns

Annalise
if they eventually ask then I'll be like

Annalise
I'm ace and it's fine.

Linda
And ace is a shorthand for asexual.

Annalise
Yes

Annalise
do make a joke that I'm triple A

Annalise
I'm asexual, aromantic, agender.

Annalise
I keep saying they're micro identities

Annalise
and I did write down a couple

Annalise
numbers

Annalise
give people an idea of

Annalise
I mean by micro.

Annalise
In like 2025

Annalise
was a Gallup poll that asked people

Annalise
to self identify

Annalise
I think it's like 9.5-10 percent of

Annalise
people in the United States that Gallup

Annalise
polled are LGBTQ somehow.

Annalise
That is one in 10 people

Annalise
Of the one in 10 people,

Annalise
1.7 percent of

Annalise
those LGBT people are asexual.

Annalise
So the total population is like 0.08.

Annalise
The United States population.

Annalise
So yeah if you have a hundred people

Annalise
one in four chance one of them is asexual

Annalise
is what we mean by it's it's pretty rare

Annalise
that we know of there's not a lot of

Annalise
people talk who identify

Annalise
with it at this moment. But also

Annalise
of 2025 the United States

Annalise
population is like 340 million.

Annalise
So point eight of 340

Annalise
million is still 27 million people.

Annalise
So it is there's not many people and

Annalise
there are also a lot of people.

Annalise
you might not expect

Annalise
meet very many asexual people. There are

Annalise
still 27 million of us at

Annalise
least in the United States.

Annalise
I've run into them constantly

Annalise
I think we all kind of

Annalise
hang out with people who

Annalise
have much to talk about when it comes to

Annalise
dating and we all kind of

Annalise
eventually drift over here.

Annalise
For context, the

Annalise
redhead population of the

Annalise
United States is four percent.

Annalise
So you're about twice as likely to meet a

Annalise
queer person as a redhead

Annalise
four times more likely to meet a redhead

Annalise
than an ace person. For every four

Annalise
redheads you've met one ace. How's that?

Linda
That's a great way to put it.

Annalise
Numbers are hard but they also really

Annalise
contextualize a lot of stuff I think.

Annalise
That's also the numbers

Annalise
are why I wanted to say like

Annalise
I didn't want to give a huge list of

Annalise
micro identities and micro genders

Annalise
more emphasize that if someone's telling

Annalise
you about them they'll probably be

Annalise
willing to explain them.

Annalise
There's so many ways that

Annalise
everything can go all

Annalise
the time constantly.

Annalise
I don't think it's possible to memorize a

Annalise
list of all the different ways and it's

Annalise
just you have to be able to talk to

Annalise
people and listen to what

Annalise
they tell you about themselves.

Linda
So really asexual is more

Linda
like an umbrella term that

Linda
several different possible ways

Linda
being.

Annalise
Technically aromanticism is separate but

Annalise
I can't separate them so in my mind we're

Annalise
just buddies over here

Annalise
under the umbrella yeah.

Linda
And like

Linda
I said that was the problem that I was

Linda
having when I was reading that. How

Linda
is that separate from this and how could

Linda
somebody who has a high libido not be

Linda
sexually attracted to others?

Annalise
This is where we cut out

Annalise
for children masturbation.

Linda
That's right yeah

Linda
that's what I ultimately

Linda
realized.

Annalise
You don't think about it but also some

Annalise
people don't have the libido and you tell

Annalise
people that and they think you're crazy.

Annalise
And they're like wow you have so much

Annalise
time it's like no I'm really busy reading

Annalise
about fictional characters still.

Linda
So we've covered a lot of different

Linda
ground here hopefully we've given people

Linda
at least a basic understanding

Linda
what the concept is.

Linda
there something we haven't touched on

Linda
that you think is important?

Annalise
I don't know I think I really did just

Annalise
want to be like there's no way to

Annalise
memorize the whole spectrum.

Annalise
The important thing is really you

Annalise
meeting people

Annalise
where they are

Annalise
and trying

Annalise
to figure out not

Annalise
how to relate to them but understand

Annalise
there's a hundred different ways to

Annalise
relate and you're going to

Annalise
match up with one of them.

Annalise
I can try and explain aromanticism again

Annalise
but I really can't separate the two at

Annalise
all. I have no idea the difference I'm

Annalise
just like all right.

Linda
Yeah and I think that's the important

Linda
thing to note is that because this is a

Linda
broad concept and these words are in some

Linda
ways very subjective

Linda
person's interpretation of them might not

Linda
be the same as another.

Annalise
Yeah like can you define

Annalise
sexual attraction for me?

Annalise
Well

Annalise
yeah I know right.

Linda
I'll take my stab at it which is

Linda
almost a circular definition.

Linda
Sexual attraction means that I want to

Linda
have sex with someone.

Annalise
like okay

Annalise
I

Annalise
don't know.

Linda
And that's not necessarily the same as

Linda
a romantic

Linda
relationship. There are plenty of

Linda
people

Linda
who have sex with people that are not

Linda
romantically involved with them.

Annalise
And that's most of where I'm like well

Annalise
they don't want to continue the

Annalise
relationship they

Annalise
might want to be friends.

Linda
had a friend in college

Linda
was gay,

Linda
still

Linda
is gay of course but

Linda
Might be bisexual.

Linda
He is definitely not

Linda
bisexual.

Linda
Okay.

Linda
But he was incredible. We'd go out to a

Linda
restaurant and he would come home with

Linda
the telephone number of the waiter

Linda
But he was definitely not,

Linda
at least

Linda
in that point in his life, not

Linda
interested in a relationship.

Linda
He wanted to have sex.

Linda
And so there was someone who was

Linda
definitely not interested in a romantic

Linda
relationship at least at

Linda
that point in his life.

Linda
But he was definitely interested in

Linda
having as much sex as he could.

Annalise
Well and we know there are people who are

Annalise
the opposite. There's a lot of women go

Annalise
through menopause and they come out the

Annalise
other side like I don't need that

Annalise
anymore. I still love my

Annalise
partner if I have my partner.

Annalise
But

Annalise
they don't necessarily need sex anymore.

Annalise
And I think that's probably the closest

Annalise
to asexuality that I know of for sure. So

Annalise
I'm really waiting on menopause.

Annalise
Sounds great. Can't wait.

Linda
I completely lost my...

Annalise
I'm sorry.

Linda
talking about romantic.

Linda
and I probably fall into this category,

Linda
the idea of having sex with someone with

Linda
whom I'm not romantically involved,

Linda
not something that I could do.

Annalise
So your romantic axis is heavily, weighing

Annalise
real heavy on the whole

Annalise
Well, and the important thing with that

Annalise
is letting everyone know what the cards

Annalise
are on the table. If everybody agrees

Annalise
it's a one night stand,

Annalise
there's nothing wrong.

Annalise
Well, and that leads

Annalise
into... We discussed briefly about

Annalise
poly folks, who

Annalise
have more than one relationship at the

Annalise
same time, not cheating because

Annalise
everyone's agreed. And that's the key

Annalise
thing. If everyone knows about

Annalise
then it's... And everyone's agreed it's

Annalise
okay, then there isn't

Annalise
anything really wrong.

Linda
Whatever judgements we think about things on our own, we have

Linda
to remember that not everybody is wired

Linda
the same way we are.

Linda
And to

Linda
try to put ourselves in their

Linda
perspective, at least conceptually to

Linda
understand that not everybody wants the

Linda
same thing in a relationship or even that

Linda
relationship itself.

Annalise
I relate a lot to poly people because if

Annalise
I could get all my friends to live in the

Annalise
same house, I would super do it.

Annalise
I was like, "Yeah, I want all my friends

Annalise
here to help out and also we can hang out

Annalise
in the evening. This sounds great."

Annalise
That's the entirety of a

Annalise
relationship. I'm good.

Linda
Any last words you'd

Linda
like to leave us with?

Annalise
Thank you for having me.

Linda
Well, thanks

Linda
for stopping by. This was a

Linda
complicated conversation and

Linda
But thank you,

Linda
Annalise,

Linda
for stopping by and really helping me

Linda
understand something about which I knew

Linda
next to zero, about as close to zero as

Linda
you could get and say you knew anything.

Linda
Yeah. That's

Linda
where I was. And so you've given me a

Linda
chance to learn something new about the

Linda
people out there inhabiting the same

Linda
world that I'm in. And I think that's a

Linda
great thing because despite what some

Linda
people seem to think,

Linda
diversity is a good thing.

Annalise
grew up on a farm, so I keep thinking

Annalise
about humans in the context of nature.

Annalise
If you have another person around who's

Annalise
not interested in stuff, that's another

Annalise
person to just kind

Annalise
of help out. You know?

Linda
right.

Annalise
Well, thank you so much. Sorry. Sorry.

Linda
Thank you for stopping by to chat with us

Linda
today about asexuality. And we'll see you

Linda
next time on the spectrum. If you have an

Linda
experience about any part of the LGBTQ

Linda
life experience you'd like to share, you

Linda
can email me at

Linda
spectrumpodcasthost at gmail.com and we can

Linda
have a conversation just like this. Until

Linda
next time, take care.